S1 • E1
When the master of Porterhouse College, Cambridge dies of a Porterhouse blue, a stroke brought on by excessive living, having rejected all likely candidates to succeed him, the post passes to former Minister of Social Security Sir Godber Evans. This is not a popular choice with the staff, who are snobs, as former student Evans was a grammar school boy. Notably aghast is head porter Skullion, whose ancestors have worked at the college for over five hundred years and who resents the upstart and his pushy wife, Lady Mary. The new master is progressive, intent on overturning centuries old traditions and planning a new, unisex college, named after his wife. Earnest research student Lionel Zipser meets Lady Mary at a feminist lecture but this makes him late returning to college and he accidentally knocks Skullion unconscious climbing over the wall.
S1 • E2
Despite his disdain for Zipser's studiousness Skullion does not report him but Zipser has another problem - he has the hots for Mrs. Biggs, his chubby, middle-aged cleaner. After a disastrous effort to get condoms in a pub vending machine Zipser goes to the suppliers and ends up with four gross of contraceptives by mistake. Sir Godber learns from the bursar that Porterhouse is broke and, to cut costs, plans to bring in outside caterers and launch an appeal as well as accepting scholarship students of both sexes. An appalled Skullion seeks the help of former student Sir Cathcart De'ath, a loopy aristocrat, to try and stop the master's innovations.
S1 • E3
Sensing his attraction, the bedder Mrs. Biggs creeps into Zipser's room for sex. She ignores his protests, but causes an explosion from the unknowingly blocked chimney. Sir Godber and Scullion clash over the consequences.
S1 • E4
Cornelius Carrington comes to Porterhouse to make his film but it is an act of revenge for unhappy student days and he distorts the result to make the college seem like a salacious hotbed of sex. Skullion is interviewed live on his television show where he becomes a national hero for exposing the bribery and buying of degrees represented by his list. This plays into Sir Godber's hands as he intends to make all college decisions by himself in future. As the dean takes the list to Sir Cathcart to blackmail several luminaries into defeating Sir Godber, Skullion, who has been left shares now worth half a million pounds by a former master, takes them to Sir Godber to bargain for his job back but in the resultant argument Sir Godber hits his head on a wall. Soon afterwards he dies, mouthing 'Skullion' but the dean assumes he is announcing the name of his successor. Skullion is duly made the new master and the college returns to its old excesses thanks to his money though the shock gives him a Porterhouse blue.
Skullion
Sir Godber Evans
Dean
Senior Tutor
Bursar
Lady Mary
Praelector
Professor Siblington
Chaplain
Walter