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S1 • E1
Simon Doonan is the queen of window dressers but, when his assistant breaks a vase, it takes him back to being a fourteen year old - and openly gay - schoolboy in Reading, with his best friend, the flamboyant, and likewise gay, Kylie, who is a boy. That Summer he was very determined to buy a vase he saw in a shop window. It was also when his tarty sister Ashlene photographed him wearing a dress belonging to Kylie's mother, Reba, in order to blackmail him. The dress got thrown into a bin, where it was found by Simon's Mum, dizzy Debbie, who assumed that her husband Andy was having an affair with Reba as a result.
S1 • E2
Simon tells assistant Sasha how he and Kylie once auditioned for the school production of 'Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat' but lost out on the part of Joseph to the drama teacher's god-daughter Imelda, as a result of which Debbie assaulted the teacher in the local shopping centre. A change of plan sees 'Joseph' replaced by a talent show, where Simon and Kylie sabotage Imelda by tipping a bucket of red dye on her,in the style of the horror film 'Carrie' which they had been watching. Imelda transfers to a stage school but does not forget the incident as, years later,she breaks Simon's nose.
S1 • E3
Simon tells boyfriend Sasha how he came to own a string of beads being used in a display. As a boy he plays a trick on Debbie by throwing his voice and convincing her he is her spirit guide and she has psychic powers. By coincidence, having heard of a recent death she predicts another. Andy's mother Narg comes to stay, having been released from hospital and her bizarre behaviour upsets everybody. She puts a tin of baked beans in the microwave and it explodes, killing her. At this point Simon decides that the spirit guide should tell Debbie that she has lost her powers but she should increase his allowance.The beads are, he claims, made from Narg's dentures.
S1 • E4
The use of a 'Posh' Spice doll in a display sets off another memory for Simon. His birthday wish for a Posh Spice doll is accidentally broadcast to the whole school when, having returned the headmistress's bag to her study, he turns on the Tannoy system. Whilst Debbie buys a cheap doll for him from her hairdresser, which gets stolen, Andy decides to toughen Simon up by teaching him football. After a shaky start he warms to the game - largely because he finds out that 'Posh' is dating footballer Beckham. Amazingly he wins the match for the school, due to his dazzling choreography, and, instead of a trophy, receives a 'Posh' Spice doll.
S1 • E5
Simon relates the story of a pair of golden curling tongs in his possession that once belonged to Tameka, his mother's hairdresser, who won them in a styling contest and claims that only death will part her from them. After a row with Kylie following a hair dying job that went wrong, Simon spends time at the salon but when an annoyed Tameka tells him to go away he replies, "Drop dead." In fact she does and he feels guilty but, after he and Kylie are reunited in grief following Princess Diana's death, he returns to the salon where Tameka's body is lying in state, clutching the tongs. For years he believed he had got the tongs from her until Kylie admits he swapped them with a pair belonging to Reba.
S1 • E6
Simon and Kylie are entranced by glamorous new teacher Miss Prentice who regales them with romantic tales of her passionate lover Francois. Debbie is less captivated when Miss Prentice takes the boys into the pub where she works and throws the 'beautiful person' out. At odds with his mother Simon decides to follow Miss Prentice to London when she answers a call from Francois to re-kindle their affair. However, on arrival he finds that Miss Prentice leads a far from romantic existence and lives on a council estate. Disillusioned, he is surprised and heartened when Debbie tells him of a gay friend of hers, Jamie, whose motto was 'Never Give Up on Your Dreams' and encourages Simon to do the same. Sadly Jamie died of AIDS but he gave Debbie a snow globe, which she passes on to her son.
Kylie
Debbie Doonan
Andy Doonan
Ashlene Doonan
Adult Simon Doonan
Aunty Hayley
Reba
Jayeson Jackson
Johoyo
Sacha